There are certain things that certain people do while dining out that really anger me. I am going to tell you them... if you are guilty of any of these behaviors well... you suck.
1) Don't ever ask to be seated, then order a drink, then tell me -- "We'd just like to enjoy our cocktails for a minute before ordering." I HATE THIS! It ruins things on so many levels.
First off, how long would you like to enjoy this cocktail? 5 minutes? 10 minutes? an hour? I have no idea. I guess I have no choice but to come up to your table 15 times and ask if you're ready to order. Then when you decide to order guess what... I just got sat another three tables. I'm not getting to you for 15 minutes. Deal with it. Also, see those people standing by the door waiting for a table? Don't mind them. Sit. Enjoy your cocktail.
Most restaurants have places called bars. This is the perfect setting for you and your little drink. Sit there for 30 minutes before bothering me.
2) Don't ask me where the fish is from and act like you care. "Is your grouper fresh? really? where's it from?" Come on lady, it's fish. Will you still order this no matter what I tell you? To be honest, I have no idea where fish is from. I entertain myself by naming random countries and watching their reactions. Salmon is from norway huh? oh they got great salmon! Actually you just ate some farm raised crap from Arkansas. Still tasted like salmon didn't it. I used to get this one at the summertime a lot. I once told someone we got our grouper from North Korea. It didn't strike them as odd. Apparently we trade with North Korea now.
3) If I'm going to take your order, I may have to interrupt you. Countless times I've walked up to tables while they're talking about something or other. Where I work they're ALWAYS talking Obama and Clinton. Every table I go to, that is the conversation... ok anyways, stop talking when I get there. I can't stand walking up to a table and trying to talk while no one acts like I exist. Sometimes I get the, "excuse me, can't you see that we're talking here?" What am I supposed to do? Walk around the restaurant for 10 minutes, staring at your table, looking for that 1/2 second window where your conversation ends? We got a little social contract here. I walk up, you stop talking, you listen to what I have to say, you tell me what you want to eat, then you continue talking. I am not waiting on you according to your time line. You eat according to mine. End of story.
4) If the restaurant closes at 10:00. Don't sit down to eat at 10:00. I was two minutes away from going home and now I got to sit here for another hour and half. Oh and if you're the last table in the restaurant. Don't sit and enjoy your coffee and conversation for 2 hours. There are 5 people in this restaurant who absolutely hate you right now. How can you not feel awkward sitting in an empty restaurant, 2 hours after closing, and watching the staff just sitting in a corner staring at you and waiting for your disrespectful ass to get out? Very rude.
5) There are 5 ways to order a steak. Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well. Use these words, they're there for your convenience. Don't say this -- "I'd like just a little pink in in the center but not red and don't cook it through." And by the way, if you ever order a steak above medium, expect to delay your entire table from enjoying dinner. Plus, it will taste like leather. Don't eat steak if you can't have pink in it. Everyone will tell you it is wrong.
6) If the restaurant doesn't offer you something that you want, it's not my fault. I mainly deal with this one with the cappucino and espresso people. We don't have one of those machines where I work. I can't stand it when people look at me like I'm a retard when I tell them we don't do that. Sorry. Nothing I can do for you at this point. Even if we did have one of those machines, it is such a pain to hear that ordered, then take 10 minutes of my time to froth some skim milk for your low fat latte, and get way behind on my schedule for the rest of my tables.
7) Read the menu, it's there for one reason only. Don't ask me what dressing comes on a salad or what sides come with your fish. It's all written down on that little booklet you're holding... Use it.
I could go on forever with this one but I'm just gonna stop now. I'm getting too angry. If you're guilty of any of these things please stop. You're being a jerk. That's it for now. GO BREWERS!
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