So apparently Prince Fielder read one of those books about how we beat up our cows and load them up with delicious hormones. So he's getting sentimental and is becoming a vegetarian. I DO NOT LIKE THIS!!! No slugger of mine is gonna be some pansy vegetarian. This just screams Major League 2. Let me refresh your memories. Season 1 Pedro Cerrano looked like one of the baddest/toughest slugging prospects to enter the league. There is just one problem, the man just can't hit the curve. Luckily for the Indians, manager Lou Brown never lost faith in Pedro. Through months of practice and endless faith in his Voodoo deity Joe Bu, Pedro conquered the curve. He couldn't of done it at a better time, after all he did start the rally that won the Indians their first pennant in years. Those were good times.
Well some time went by. The players enjoyed the offseason and many of them went through some changes as many of you would. The sudden onset of fame can do that to a man. Wild thing Rick Vaughn cleaned up, Willie Mays Hayes seemed more interested in his film career than baseball... But no one changed more than Pedro Cerrano. He changed faiths! The once voodoo worshipping stubborn slugger became a cheery hari chrisna type whose priorities have changed. Hitting the curve was no longer his number one priority. He became interested in all things living. No more meat for this guy. He loves all of god's creatures. Well we all saw what resulted. Not only couldn't he hit the curve, he couldn't hit ANYTHING and it didn't even seem to bother him! Thank god for the free agent acquisition from Japan -- Isuro "Kamakazi" Tanaka. Tanaka questioned Cerrano's manhood throughout the season yet it seemed to have no effect. Then it happened. He told Cerrano he had no "marbles." It seemed as if nothing could phase Cerrano but there was something about this... something that made him think. Then BAM, homerun. Cerrano was back. No more of this Hari Crisna stuff. The Indians then went on to win it all.
See what I'm saying here? This vegetarian stuff has to stop now. If this isn't just a phase then we have some serious issues here. We need a Japanese outfielder to question his manhood immediately, or this season is at a loss. You heard it here first.
4 comments:
Japanese outfielders are for Cubs.
What about Prince growing dreadlocks? Is that bad news too?
I don't see this vegan phase lasting too long.
Oh man I wasn't aware of the dreadlocks. This is getting worse than I thought. We desperately need this Japanese guy, fast!
"You trying say to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curve ball?"
Lol, and you like RAINBOWS... Looks like your more of a pansy than the vegetarian.
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